Parents Who Overprotect Their Children – Why Do They Do It?

Parenting is becoming more like a circus trick – parents are overloaded with so much information that they are unable to balance themselves on the tight rope of parenting ! One wrong step and you will fall 10 feet down! Why do parents overprotect their children, has anybody wondered why?Parents who overprotect their children are not monsters or aliens or controlling freaks! After all, only parents (not psychologists, Doctors or experts) would understand their children! I can think of few reasons why parents become so protective of their children.

Scaring parents

Every day in the news, we hear of the various studies conducted by psychologist or experts or Doctors, what is the affect of so-and-so on the child. However, well-intentioned they are, they are always aimed at scaring parents. Doomed if you do it, doomed if you don’t! For example for years, parents were told that too much screen time is not good for children, and now few weeks ago, we all read or heard that the “experts” don’t think that screen time actually effects children negatively! There are so many contradictory reports, it is quite confusing which way should parents go!

Society

Barely the baby has been born and the parents are told, “do this, then this will happen”, if you don’t do this your child won’t do this” , “you didn’t listen to me, so now your child isn’t normal”. Again, well-intentioned society of grandparents, uncles aunties, doctors,nurses etc. People don’t need to be perfect to be parents!

Safety

Parents also tend to become overprotective when they hear or read of incidents and accidents of other children. It is natural for parents to tell their children – who their best friends should be, where they should go with their friends etc.

Mothers are naturally overprotective

Mothers always tend to be more protective towards their children then fathers. It is the mother’s instinct to always protect her children.

Fear of Social Services

In this day and age where there so many laws and rules to protect children, Parents often fear the social services taking their child away from them. One example that I can cite here is that some parents believe in spanking there children in order to discipline them, but they fear social services knowing about it and therefore are unable to discipline their children. I do not advocate spanking children – please refer to my post on spanking children here.

If parents are unable to discipline their children they become spoilt – they will not understand the difference between right or wrong. Each parent has their own way of disciplining their children- this right is not being respected due to various child abuse incidents.

What is over protection?

I feel over protection is an objective term. It depends on the child or the circumstances. What is over protection for one child would not be over protection for the other ! Parents are in the best place to decide whether it is over protection or not.

Do you feel you are overprotecting your child?

If the answer is yes, then I would like to share some secrets with you on how to stop yourself from being overprotective,

Striking a balance

Whenever your child asks your permission to do things – don’t always say no. Give them a bit of freedom,depending on their age and ability, to explore things in their life. Don’t always stop them or scare them from exploring. If your 2 year old wants to run in the park, let them run even if there is a risk of them falling down and getting hurt. On the other hand, you cannot allow your child to run on the streets!

Trust your instincts

Your instinct will always guide you – what you are doing is correct or not. You understand your child better than anyone. You know what your child is capable of. Few times, I have had the instinct that something is not right and BAM, my child has been injured, luckily not seriously !

If something doesn’t feel right to you, then don’t let your child do it. Even if it is at the risk of getting yourself labelled as an overprotective parent .

Have Faith

It is very important for every human being to have faith in something or somebody. Have faith that God or universe or angels are always looking after your child. They will protect your child from anything bad or unpleasant.

Trust your child

You have to have faith in your parenting skills.  You have already taught your child that he/she needs to wrap up in the cold weather otherwise they might fall sick. Now, have the faith that they will do so in the school when they are playing in the playground. Don’t worry unnecessarily at home or at work if they have done so or not. Trust your child to follow your advice. Even if they do not and fall sick, they will learn from that experience .

Give them some space

As children start growing up, give them some space. Mothers should especially do his. If you spend every waking moment with your child- you will start becoming more and more overprotective towards your child! Let the father of the child take them out without you for a couple of hours even though you(Mother) are the one who primarily looks after the child.

Overprotectiveness can have negative effects too

Remember that if you are protecting your child from every bad thing possible, it can have a lot of negative effects on the child like:

  • Child won’t be able to solve smallest issues on her/his own
  • Child might have problems in her/his relationships
  • Child might be low in self-confidence as she/he has very rarely learnt from her/his own mistakes
  • Child won’t think much of herself/himself so would be low in self-esteem too

 

All the above will affect his/her adult life too.

Conclusion

Parents have to decide what constitutes over protection for their children and what doesn’t depending on the age and ability of the child. I believe following your instinct is the best way to avoid over protection. Do you overprotect your children? Have you got any tips or suggestions to prevent overprotecting children? Please share via comment box below.

Regards

Favoritism Affects Children – Of All Ages

Childhood is the foundation of our lives. The imprint of childhood builds our thoughts, beliefs, actions. Ultimately our adult life will pan out based on our childhood. It is imperative that parents do everything in their hands to ensure that their child doesn’t lack in self-confidence or have a low self-esteem. Unfortunately, some parents favour one child over the other which affects both their self-confidence and their self-esteem. Favoritism affects children of all ages.

Even if you are an elderly parent with adult children, your partiality towards one child will affect your relationship with the other children. Favoritism also affects sibling relationships. Unfavoured children would ask themselves as well as the parents – what does he/she(favoured child) do, that I don’t do? – and rightfully so!

Each child has their own identity

Whether you are a young parent or an elderly parent, whether your child is young or an adult- it should always be remembered that each child has their own identity. Each child thinks and acts differently. Their wishes and dreams are different. In case of adult children, each child’s opinion will also be different.

Parents should always remain impartial

Whenever siblings fight with each other, as children or as adults, parents should always remain impartial, it doesn’t matter what the parent’s opinion is on the topic! By impartial I mean, they shouldn’t take sides. In the event you have to take sides, be fair and just. I know it is easier said than done, but you can try! Parenting is never easy! It is , in my opinion , the biggest responsibility!

Parents should always focus on the positives of each child

From the time children are born, it is very important that parents always see the positive aspects of each child and focus upon it. Give them encouragement on it. For example if one child is excelling academically whilst the other is good at music, encourage and praise them both for their excellence in studying or music even if you believe only in academics. Also, support your children in their weaker areas. Show them that you are there for them. This will automatically increase their confidence in their weaker areas.

Each child should have their own space in your life

Let each child be their own person. Let them have their own space in your life. Each child will bring a different aspect in your life. If you show favoritism, they might feel insecure. Their insecurities will cause a lot of fighting between the siblings .

Parents’ duty

Even if the children feel that you are being favourable,when that is not the case, it is the parent’s duty to reassure the children that the parents love all their children equally.

Creating and maintaining a strong family bond

It is the parents duty from the very beginning to create a strong bond between all their children. This can be only achieved by treating all of them equally. If they are treated in the same way irrespective of their gender, age or capabilities, they will be very secure in their relationship with the parents as well as their siblings.

Elderly parents

When parents become elderly their reliance on their adult children would increase. At this point in life, it is imperative that parent continue to treat their adult children equally. Parents attention on their adult children shouldn’t be affected by which child is serving them the most in their old age. Each child might be facing a different set of circumstances in their life. Be accommodating of all your children’s opinions- respect and acknowledge their opinions .

Elderly parents should bear in mind that once they pass on,their children have only got each other, so the parents should try much as possible to keep the children’s relations with each other strong. Favoritism creates a lot of strain on the sibling relations.

Favouring the weaker child

Parents often start favouring the child, who in their opinion is the weakest. They often focus on the weaker child’s weaknesses! In this process they stop focusing on their other children with a view that the stronger child will be able to cope on their own while the weaker child won’t be able to cope. ! All children need equal attention of their parents!

 

So the important thing here is that parents should always focus on the strengths of all their children. Make their strengths stronger and their weakness weaker! Every child has got a strength!

 

Favouring a child shows ingratitude

In my opinion, favouring one child over the others shows ingratitude. Each child is a gift or a boon from the source or God. Appreciate, respect and be grateful towards each child that has been given to you.

If you have been a favoured /unfavoured child

Parents, in case you are or were a favoured /unfavored child with your parents, remember to be true to yourself. If you have been a favoured child, always think of your siblings, respect and love them. If you have been an unfavoured child, do not let the opinion of your parents become your reality. Find out the real you through meditation. Belief in yourself. You do not have to prove anything to anybody. Just follow your heart! Do as much as you can for your parents without beating yourself ! Love yourself!

Forgive your parents – as parents are humans and humans make mistakes! Most of all, do not repeat your parents mistakes with your children.

Conclusion

Parents are responsible for molding the future of their children. Parental responsibility starts from the time children are born and will only finish when the parent passes on. Therefore, it is the lifetime duty of the parents, to treat each child equally and appreciate their strengths and appreciate their unique identity. Many a times it might feel difficult to do so- but a parent can never stop trying ! A parent is a hope, a strength, a foundation of a child, whether the child is a kid or an adult.

What are your feelings on the topic of favoritism? Do you favour one child over the other? Have your parents treated you and your siblings equally? Let me know via comment box below!

Regards

I Want To Be A Stay At Home Mom – Yes or No?

Every mother has to make a decision, preferably within the first five years of motherhood, do I want to go back to work or do I want to be a stay at home mom? The longer you leave this decision (I call it dilemma) , the harder it is going to become if you decide to go back to work. There are a lot of implications for choosing either, that’s why I call it a dilemma!

Mother’s guilt

Whenever a mother does anything for herself, the first thing that she feels is guilt, for not thinking of her child- even if it is for just 15 minutes! It is just feels like a default way of thinking, think of the children first, think of myself later. I will do everything for kids first then I will do things for myself. I will buy kids clothes first and then if there is money left then I will buy something for myself. In case a mother does not think like this (thinking of her children first), she is faced with enormous guilt!

Pressure of juggling housework, kids and a career

Moms, let’s just face it, it is very hard to juggle all the household chores like cooking,cleaning ,laundry, looking after kids and handling a demanding full time job! When I went back to work in a full time job out of desperation ( I was going absolutely bonkers at home), I knew within a week of working, this isn’t going to work for me. The pressure was enormous!

Coming back home at 6 pm after collecting the kids, was not only very tiring – but there was no time to do their homework with them! It was either homework or cooking dinner! Keeping kids in after school club was tiring for them as well! They were struggling! Hence, my mother’s guilt came into effect and I had to quit my job within 2.5 weeks!

Have you got any help or support from the grandparents?

This is a very crucial factor- in fact I would go as far as saying that this is the most important factor! Have you got any help with your child from the grandparents, maternal or paternal? Even if you have got the slightest bit of help, you can pull off a full time job. You would need this help especially when your child is sick or during school holidays. I mean with such a tight schedule – there are chances that you might not be able to manage everything on some days – a mom is a human too!

At times, you might be so knackered from your full time job, you would appreciate somebody(grandparent) cooking dinner for you and your family ! Bear in mind the age and health of the grandparent, do not overload them with looking after your children. Remember the grandparents have already done their bit of looking after their children, do not expect them to look after your children in the same way as you do – they are much older !

If you would like to know the role of grandparents in your child’s life, please refer to my previous post here.

Every mother needs mental stimulation and social interaction

The reason for acute boredom for stay at home moms is that there is no mental stimulation – you are just doing menial jobs, nothing where your are using your mind. Another reason is that, you would have less social interaction than when you were working, before you had your baby. A little dose of either of this will work wonders on you!

Laziness

If you have been staying at home for sometime now, you would feel lazy to go back to work and obey all the rules and regulations of the company you work for. You have been only listening to yourself (and your baby) for sometime now. It is very hard to get back into the work mode, if you have been sitting at home for 2 years or more!

Good state of finances

you are in a good position financially, maybe due to savings and investment or maybe your spouse is earning well, you would have no motivation to go back to work either?

Why did I become a stay at home mom?

a stay at home mum, initially as I had no help. But then I also had a mother’s guilt which said ‘your mother stayed at home and looked after you. You should be doing this as well’ After all children copy their parents- I have stated this in practically all my posts! But now after 8 years of being a stay at home mom, I can tell you with certainty that this decision(not a dilemma anymore!)has been most beneficial to me and my children.

Deal with the cons of being a stay at home mom

As I said earlier, both paths, stay at home or working, has got implications- so if you decide to be a stay at home mom, these are the secrets, I would like to share with you, to keep you sane:

  • Your life hasn’t stopped just because you are a stay at home mom. You have got free time while your child is in nursery or at school. Make the most of that time.
  • Accept your decision of staying at home whole heartedly- no ifs and buts !
  • If you are struggling financially – look for other sources of income like running your own business from home – this will not only give you extra money but also financial independence, confidence and mental stimulation.
  • Meet up with your friends every few weeks or other moms for coffee or dinner – this will give you social interaction with adults !
  • Join a fitness lesson like zumba, Pilates or yoga. Not only will this help you get back in shape after becoming mother, it will also be a great opportunity to make more friends and thereby give you social interaction and a change of environment as well.

Honour and pride

Do not disregard the honour and pride of being a stay at home mom. It will be without doubt the most selfless thing you will ever do! You will develop a deep bond with your children and you will see the fruits of it very soon in your life! Your children will be what you want them to be. They will not be influenced heavily by grandparents or childminders thinking! They will be primarily influenced by you !

 

Conclusion

I know that my decision to be a stay at home mom is correct. But I would advise you only to take this decision if you feel it is right the right one for you. Make sure that once you decide, you stick to your decision .

Are you a stay at home mom ? Was your mother a stay at home mom? Are you facing a dilemma whether you should be a stay at home mom or not? Do you feel you are sacrificing your children by going back to work? Get in touch with me via comment box below.

Regards

Comparing Children – Should A Parent Compare Their Children To Others?

As soon as a child is born, every parent inadvertently start comparing their little one to other babies. As the child grows, everything from crawling to teething or to performance at school is compared. Which one did better? By comparing children they put immense pressure on themselves as well as on their child.

“Your child is very active, mine doesn’t do half the things yours does”. “Your child is so clever at maths, mine hates studying”. “Your son is so tall”. It can be awkward for a mother whose child is being compared to! How do you even deal with such unfair comparisons!

Every child is special

In my opinion, every child has something special in them. If one child is good at physical activities, other might be good at maths. If one toddler starts walking at 10 months another might start crawling at 6 months. If one child is a good eater other might be a very obedient child.

Does comparison actually help?

In my opinion , comparison only causes unhappiness to the parents. A parent can’t make their child behave or act like somebody else’s child. If they try to do, it is going to be disastrous – for the parents because they won’t be able to make that happen and for the child because he/she will face immense pressure from the parents to do something they are unable to do. When the child is not able to do what the parents expect him or her to do, the child will feel that he/she is not good at anything. This will cause very low self-confidence in the child .

Good qualities of the child are ignored

Parents who compare their child to the others, always focus on making their child do something they are not good at. In this process they fail to see the immense talents or skills the child has, what comes naturally to the child. In fact, the child will not even realise that they are good at anything. They will just think they are good for nothing .

Affects relationship with the child they are compared to

If you compare your child to another, say a friend,  then your child will start disliking or even start hating the other child. “What is it that she is doing that I am not doing?”. “Why am I always wrong and he is always right?” Comparison will create a lot of negativity in your child.

Impacts Parent child relationship

Because of the high or incorrect expectations , the child never ‘warms up’ to the parent with the fear that he/she might do something which might not please the parent!

So, what do you as a parent do ?

  • Appreciate/accept your child the way he/she is.
  • Find out what he/she is good at. Focus on it. For example, if they are good at piano and not at maths, support their piano skills by enrolling them for piano lessons.Help them with practicing piano etc. It doesn’t mean, that you ignore making them practice maths . In fact give them extra practice in maths as studying is equally important. But do not compare them to another child who is good at maths . Don’t keep reminding them that they are weak in maths.
  • Whenever they perform well in maths, praise them. This will increase their confidence and also encourage them to perform better.
  • Always, always focus on what your child can do, rather than what they can’t do!

Comparison always leads to trouble

There is no end to comparison. If you start comparing how many toys your child has as compared to his/her best friend, you will feel pressurised to buy more toys for your child. This will not only cause financial strain (depending how far you go ) but you might run the risk of your child being ungrateful and greedy. The most important thing your child will ever need are love and attention ! Everything else is secondary.

Never compare your children with each other

If you compare your child to their sibling, it will also start affecting the siblings relationship with each other. This might have a lifetime effect on your children. So for the sake of family unity, never compare your children. Each child is different. Each child is unique. Even if your parents compared you to your sibling in your childhood, don’t repeat the same mistake with your children. Do not repeat your parents’s mistakes.

Conclusion

Each child develops at his or her pace. All kinds of developments like crawling, walking happen within an age range. If you are concerned about any developmental issue, you should speak to medical professional rather than comparing your child with somebody else’s. Telling your child “why don’t you learn this from your brother or your friend”? can affect their confidence for the rest of their lives.

All parents (including me) tend to compare their children to others upto a certain extent, as long as it is done only as an observation. It shouldn’t go any further than that.

Do you compare your child or children? Or have you experienced someone comparing their child to yours? What do you feel about comparing children? Please share your experiences via comment box below!

Regards

Effective Parent Child Communication – Keep The Doors Open!

The most important aspect of any relationship is communication. Miscommunication causes a lot of misunderstanding. When your children are very young it is the best time to set up a very good communication system between you and your children. Effective parent child communication is of great importance at every stage.

As a parent, you do not want them to hide things from you. Your aim is to be involved in their life and their choices or decisions. Maintaining good communication with your children is an investment which will benefit you even when your children are grown-ups.

You need to start early – the earlier you start communicating effectively with your children, the easier it is going to be. As soon as a baby is born, he/she is aware of who his /her carer is. You can communicate with them when you play with them- for example when you play hide-and-seek or any other game. When you talk to them, talk in full sentences. For example say “do you want milk?” instead of just “milk”. This will encourage them to talk in full sentences as well. Also, give them choices – “do you want this or that?” This will encourage them to make small decisions .

How was your day?

As your child grows up, communicate with them according their age and understanding. Whenever they have any questions or curiosity about anything – answer it honestly. Do not discourage them by saying “stop asking me questions” If you are in the middle of something, just say “let me tell you later “. This will teach children the importance of communication. Once they start going to a pre school or primary/secondary school, you can ask them “how was your day?” . Encourage them to tell you the highlights of the day. Tell them yours too ! They will feel involved in your life too!

Secrets

Kids love secrets. Most likely they would like to tell you secrets if they did something harmless but naughty at school. Tell them your secrets- make it up – something fun and child friendly! Talking in different ways with your kids encourages communication.

Sometimes it may seem like a chore – but doing this continuously will be very helpful especially when you really need your child to talk to you – for example if they are being bullied or harassed at school. Or when you feel that they are mingling with rough or wrong crowd. If your kids tell you something in confidence – like an embarrassing moment they had – keep it a secret- don’t blurt it out to the other parents. Tell your spouse about in private- and not in front of the child.

Finding solutions

From an early age encourage your children to discuss any issues they might be having at school. Try to resolve any problems they might be having. Give them options – if they are not happy with the solution you have provided them with. If they have got a dilemma about anything you can steer them in the right direction.

Tap their feelings

If your child discusses an incident with you in school, ask them how did they feel about it? Try to gauge their feelings on it. If they did not feel good about it, try to soothe their feelings about it. Next time they go through a difficult situation, they will discuss their feelings about the situation without you having to ask about it.

Praise them

Praise them when they give you some important information. This will encourage them to do it again.

Trivia

When they talk, however trivial it is, LISTEN! You never know what you might learn! If they are doing something wrong, you will know early on, which would give you a chance to guide or steer them in the right direction!

Do not close doors to anything

Do not close doors to any kind of communication or discussion with your kids – whether you agree with them or not. Kids too have the right to express their opinion!

In case, they are curious about the human anatomy, do not shy away from the topic- try to answer their questions truthfully. If you feel it is not age appropriate – tell them ” I will tell you about it at the right time”- keep the doors open. Don’t say something like “you shouldn’t talk about this – you are too young” otherwise they might try to satisfy their curiosity in incorrect ways.

If they are curious about cigarettes or alcohol- discuss it with them. If you try to avoid these topics then they will get more curious and might be tempted to even try it before they are 16 years of age. Even if you are a non-smoker or a non-alcoholic – always discuss this topic with them rather than forcing them to change their mind. Correct them if you feel they are wrong but don’t tell them off.

Do not say things like “this topic is not up for discussion” – if it is something you do not agree with tell them the reasons as to why you are saying what you are saying .

Try to understand their perspective

If you want your children to communicate with you and keep you involved in their life, it is very important that you try to understand their perspective at least sometimes. If you refuse to understand their point of view every single time, they may stop communicating with you just to avoid an argument !

If you are wrong admit it

If you are wrong or you have made a mistake, you should admit to your children that you have made a mistake. Think of all the times when you pointed out their mistakes. Let go of your ego !

Conclusion

Remember, the goal of every parent is to be best friends with their children ! This can be achieved only if you treat them as an individual and with respect – just like you would treat your friends!

Are you your child’s best friend? Have you got any tips or tricks on how to communicate effectively with children? Please share via comment box below.

Happy New Year !

Regards

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas and Gratitude – Feeling Grateful is The Real Meaning of Christmas!

Parents and Grandparents are always eager to shower children and grandchildren with tons of Christmas presents. It is perfectly natural for them to feel the need to give the children whatever they didn’t get in their childhood like toys, games,books ,clothes, electronic games etc. By doing so they forget to explain to the children the real and true meaning of Christmas and that Christmas and gratitude go hand in hand.

Christmas cards

There are a lot of people who think, “he gave me a Christmas card this year but last year he didn’t, I gave him a Christmas card last year, so this year I won’t! Then we are equal! ” or “she never gives me a Christmas card, why should I ?” Unfortunately this kind of feeling catches up with the children when they listen to the parents’ or Grandparents’ dilemma about whom to give cards and who not to!

It is forgotten that giving is the true spirit of Christmas. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if people saved money by not buying Christmas cards and using that money to feed the homeless or giving toys to the poor children. After all, we have now got so many fantastic communication methods in the form of email, social media or good old texting(sms) !

If children want to give Christmas cards to their friends, they should be encouraged to make their own cards! If parents can help younger children make the cards, it will create a good bonding time with the kids as well!

Are our children becoming too greedy at Christmas time?

All children are busy counting how many chocolates, how many presents they received at Christmas time. Children are innocent but in their innocence, they start believing or thinking that this is what Christmas is about.

How many toys can a child play with or how many chocolates can he eat? There has to be some limit. There has to be some appreciation … and lots of gratitude.

Charity

Children should be encouraged to give their toys to charity – to the less privileged kids. This will develop gratitude in them. Before Christmas kids can be asked to choose some of their toys to give for charity and in return they will get Christmas presents. This will teach them to give before receiving.

Why am I going on and on about gratitude?

I understand that children have the right to enjoy their childhood and childhood is the golden period of life. But it is equally important to teach children gratitude. This will help them get through difficult times in life when they become adults. Gratitude will teach them to be happy at all times, no matter what their circumstances are.

Please refer to my previous post on Teaching Children To Be Grateful – A Way To Happiness .

If it is not presents and food and drink, then what is Christmas about? My thoughts are :

Christmas is family time

Children should be taught that Christmas is about spending time with family. It isn’t about who has given what present. It isn’t about who has got the most decoration or lights outside their house! It is the time to be grateful that you have got a family ! Christmas is the time to appreciate each other and not fight with each other!

Christmas is a time for believing in God

Christmas is the time to believe in God, being thankful for giving us a beautiful life. Christmas is about having faith that everything will be ok. Christmas is about believing that God is always looking after you! Christmas is about believing that God has got your back!

so,

How Do You Become Grateful during Christmas

Children always “copy” their parents. Parents are the role models of their children. Be Always what you want your kids to be especially when they come adults. Cut down on your Christmas expenditures like Christmas presents, Christmas cards, Christmas decorations,Christmas day food and drinks! Any money you save should be used for charity. It is better to light somebody’s life during Christmas then lighting up your already lit up house ! 

Please note that the keyword here is cut down . You don’t need to stop celebrating Christmas just to teach gratitude to your children.

If everybody cuts down their Christmas expense even by a tiny amount, not only will their children learn to be more grateful but also it will benefit all poor and underprivileged adults and children. The fun is in the giving not in the receiving!

Next steps

I know most of us would have already made all arrangements for Christmas by now, but we can always start next year. This year I have saved tiny amount of money by making this Christmas tree decoration with my children! It was great fun!

What are your plans for Christmas this year? Do you agree that Christmas is the time to express your gratitude to God? Please put your thoughts and plans in the comment box below!

Merry Christmas to all of you!

 

 

 

 

Home Remedies for Common Ailments – Handy Tips When your Child is Unwell

When the child is sick most parents just go rushing to the Doctor even for the smallest ailment. Most of the common ailments get cured on their own but there are ways where you can provide relief to your child. Home remedies for common ailments also prevent consuming unnecessary medicines like paracetamol and ibuprofen.

Common cold

Steam

Inhaling steam clears blocked noses and clears the airway. Safer options to do steam are using an electric steam inhaler or fill the bath tub with hot water and then let your child inhale the steam from the hot water.

However, be very careful of the hot water. If your child is hyper then be very careful with the hot water. A lot of kids have had burns while trying to inhale steam.

Also when they have bath , put warm water on their ribs, this will release the phelgm stuck in the ribs.

Decongestants

You can also use decongestants like Olbas oil or Vicks Vaporub on your child. I apply a tiny amount of Vicks Vaporub on the soles of my children’s feet and put socks on their feet. Do this before they go to bed at night. Leave the socks on for the whole night. This will create warmth in their body and help to cure the cold.

Cough

Usually cough and cold come together. You can use this recipe of honey, turmeric powder and ginger which will cure not only the cough but also the cold. It is recommended that babies under the age of 1 year shouldn’t have honey as they are unable to digest it. Here is the recipe:

2 TBSP of Rowse Honey (brown) honey

1/4 tsp ginger juice

1/4 turmeric powder

Mix all the ingredients thoroughly and give 1-2 tbsp of this mixture at least 3 times a day. If your child finds the ginger juice too spicy reduce it a little or increase the proportion of honey.

For those who are not sure of how to make ginger juice, wash and peel the skin of the ginger. Grate the ginger with a small grater or grate very finely, then squeeze the grated ginger with your finger to get the juice. Alternatively put the grated ginger in a soft thin cloth and twist the cloth to extract the juice. Make sure the juice doesn’t hav any pieces of ginger.  

You can either use normal honey or Manuka honey. Manuka honey is said to have anti bacterial properties. I just use normal honey as turmeric powder has natural antibacterial and healing properties.

If their cough has got phelgm , advise them to spit it out (in the sink) whenever they can.

Turmeric powder and warm milk

If your child is coughing constantly like mine does, give them a quarter cup of warm milk and stir some turmeric powder in it.  Turmeric powder will settle down at the bottom of the cup quickly so keep stirring it . At the same time make sure the milk doesn’t get cold. I know it is not very tasty for children but it is better to have this then cough syrups which do nothing for your child. Turmeric powder has great healing properties too so it will not only provide relief but also stop or reduce constant coughing or tickly cough.

Warm salt water Gargle

If your child is older and is able to gargle then make them gargle warm water with salt. This is very good for constant coughing or tickly cough and also for sore throat .

All the above remedies are effective both for adults and children.

Stomache

Stomache is a common complaint among children. If their bowels are not clear. Add few drops of water (or warm water, if weather is cold) to Asafoetida(known as Hing in Indian languages) and apply it around the belly button in circular motions. Cover the area below the stomach, which would get everything moving in the intestines! Do this before meals ! Make sure you put very few drops of water in the asafoetida otherwise it will become very watery.

Diarrhea

For diarrhea , make fresh apple and pomogenrate juice and give your child at least once a day. Once the diarrhea stops, give banana. Banana helps the stomach make solid stools. If you are concerned in any way about your child or your child has a high temperature or a bloody diarrhea , take them to the Doctor.

Chicken Pox

Soak some neem leaves in the bath water. This will soothe the skin. You still need to put lotion to stop the itching.

Headaches

I do acupressure points for headache. Press the both thumbs of your hand as shown in the picture below. Do each one 50 times,3 times a day.

Make your child drink water as dehydration also causes headaches. I always try these remedies before I give paracetamol.

Whenever your child is sick, always make sure your child is hydrated, otherwise they will feel worse.

Please bear in mind that I am not a medical professional. If your child is allergic to any of the above ingredients above do not give them to your child.

Do you believe in home remedies? Do you have any home remedies or recipes to share? Please share via comment box below.

Regards

 

 

 

Moms Time Out! – Do What You Enjoy!

You have probably heard this a countless number of times! “Take time out”, do something you enjoy and before you go away from my post, I would like to tell you that I didn’t believe in this or understand this until a couple of years ago ! I have been told again and again and again by the family to take time out, and I was just as bored as you are, listening to me saying the same thing! What is Moms time out ?

Doing something of your own, on your own .. without hubby and kids!

Go out of the house!

Choose a hobby or an activity which will take you out of the house. This is very important because you need to change your environment. Playing a computer game at home cannot be considered time out !

Choose a hobby or an activity

If your friends are busy or you do not have any friends, enrol in a fitness class or a hobby club. If you choose a fitness club like Yoga or Pilates or Zumba, you will get the exercise too ! Exercise will also drive the boredom out of you. This is especially important for new mums, who are on maternity break from work to look after their baby.

It is very hard to adjust from being a working person to be a stay-at-home mom. Exercise will give you some stimulation as well as help you reduce post birth weight!

Be Disciplined

It is easy to enrol for some class and then not go for few lessons either because you are too tired or your child is sick. Try to get someone to look after your child maybe your partner while you got for your class. Don’t feel guilty about it! Remember mothers are humans too and they need a break too from looking after their children.

Don’t forget the more lessons you miss , the more money you will waste!

Think of yourself too

You might give an excuse, like I can’t afford it or I don’t have the energy or I have no one to look after my baby, then you need to learn to think of yourself. This is one of the biggest mistakes I have made since I became a mother.

I have been a mother for nearly 8 years and since last few months, I have really started to think for myself. It is hard and I keep going back to my old habit but I push myself to think for me. I am not saying that you become totally selfish and not think of your child or your family at all.

But it is ok to do somethings for yourself – I cannot forget that I am Priya first and a mother or a wife afterwards. If you do something for yourself, do not feel guilty.

Visit to the Cinema

Just to have some time out from kids and cooking and cleaning, I just go to the cinema and watch a movie on my own! It is a good way to spend time on your own! Don’t depend on or wait for anyone to go to the movies with you!

Go out with friends

Get your partner to look after your child and have a night out with your friends! It is easy to start talking about your kids all the time but reduce children talk for a little while at least.

Spend time with your spouse

From my previous post, how to keep your marriage strong after kids, it is imperative you spend time with your spouse without the children. If you can get someone to look after your kids, you and your spouse can go for out dinner. You not only get to spend quality time with each other, but also it will be time out for you!

Everybody needs to have fun in life

Everybody should have fun in life. That’s what life is about. Do not put yourself down by not thinking of your own happiness. Everybody needs a break from time to time. Do not be hard on yourself. You do not have to clean everything or wash all the clothes in one day. Motherhood should not stop you from having fun.

Make your life normal as much as possible

The first year is very crucial and hard for a mother. After the first year, try to bring normalcy in your life. Think of yourself at times. Try to make your life as much as you can as it was before you had the baby. The longer you leave the harder it will get, to find yourself again after childbirth.

Re- discover your identity

It is very easy to just think of the child or do things for the child or children all the time. Do something for yourself. For example if you were a career woman before you had children but now are unable or would not like to go to work, then do something of your own from home. Please see my previous post on stay at home mom business ideas here.

Conclusion

It took me a long time to figure out all the above after I had children. Therefore, if you are expecting your first child or just had a child, make sure you do the above. I would like it very much if you were to gain from my experience!

Would you like to share your thoughts on moms taking time out? Is it hard for you to take time out? Do you take time out frequently? Do you think of yourself at all? Share your thoughts via comment box below.

Regards

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Best Way To Lose Weight After Pregnancy -How Do You Do It?

Every mother including you and me are in a rush to lose weight after pregnancy and childbirth. Your body doesn’t feel yours anymore! Your stomach feels like a huge balloon that has started deflating ! Even though you feel blessed with your baby, you do wish your body would go back to the way it was before you conceived! Let me warn that is never going to happen- at least not totally. But you can lose majority of your weight. So what is the best way to lose weight after pregnancy?

Breastfeeding

Breast is the best, for both mother and child. After giving birth, I was so disappointed when I saw that my bump had reduced so marginally .. I almost thought there is another baby inside me! Once I started breastfeeding, my bump (post birth) started reducing so quickly and so did my overall body weight ! Breastfeeding is the best way to lose weight immediately after child birth .

You need to give your body time to recover

All of us mothers are always in a rush to lose weight after having kids, maybe to rediscover our own identity ! Don’t forget that having had a baby growing inside you and then going through childbirth is very traumatic for the mothers body. A big part of the nutrients are taken by the baby and you also lose a lot during childbirth.

Importance of eating a healthy diet post child birth

After childbirth, a mothers body literally falls apart. Therefore, it is important to eat lot of fruits and vegetables everyday(five a day) . Also, omega-3 is an important nutrient during pregnancy and after childbirth. It is important to keep yourself hydrated (water is preferable to juices and fizzy drinks).

Do not diet

Do not diet, if you have just given birth. In fact, do not diet at all. If you are breastfeeding make sure you have a balanced diet and drink lots of water .

Don’t be too hard on yourself

It is normal to put on weight after pregnancy, even as much as 15 kilograms. Lose the weight slowly and steadily. When you stop breastfeeding, keep a note of how much you are eating. It is very easy to fall into a habit of eating too much after you stop breastfeeding. Stop eating when your stomach is full- listen to the signs when your stomach says “stop eating”!

Daily routine

Running around and tending to your child’s needs or doing cooking, cleaning or laundry will automatically bring down your weight. Keep your body moving as much as you can . In the summer holidays, I used to take my children scootering, they scooter, I jog or brisk walk. If the weather is dry and warm, you can do it every day- that will burn a lot of calories. So entertainment for kids and exercise for you (mother)! Fresh air is a bonus!

Smoothies

I also make vegetable juices, which helps losing weight. Do not put any fruit. If you have to put fruit, put a very minimal amount. The sugar in the fruit does not help with the weight loss. You can use a smoothie maker like Nutribullet. See my review of Nutribullet 600 and get your 5 a day in minutes!

Exercises

Exercise as soon as you feel your body is ready. Cesarean section takes 6 weeks healing time and you cannot do intensive exercises or swimming for 6 months after birth. 

Choose a form exercise that you feel you can continue in the long run. For example if you start doing very intensive workouts and lose tons of weight in a short span of time, the moment you stop doing the workouts, you will start putting the weight back on!

I started with brisk walks to lose weight, and I did lose a lot of weight including belly fat. Now I have moved on to yoga, to reduce belly fat further.

So the important factor here is to lose weight gradually. After you reach your desired level of weight, you still need to do some form of exercise every day .

It will require determination and will power

It is never easy to lose weight especially not after pregnancy, the later you leave it, the harder it will get. It will be easier to follow a routine of exercise after your youngest child starts school. If you persevere, follow a balanced diet and keep yourself hydrated(with water) you should see results.

Conclusion

Enjoy the time with your baby/child. Don’t feel guilty every time you eat. Work hard towards losing weight. Avoid junk food as much as you can!

What are your experiences with losing weight after child birth ? How did you lose the weight? If you would like to share your tips or experiences, share via comment box below. I would love to hear from you !

Regards

 

Do Our Kids Have Too Much Homework- Is this a Concern for Parents of Primary School Kids?

Both my kids are in primary school and sometimes I feel so stressed and pressurised to finish all their spellings, home learning, times table etc, etc. It is also imperative that they do daily reading. How can a parent manage this every week with more than one child some of which I feel is quite unnecessary.  Then I ask myself “do our kids have too much homework? Is this home work necessary?”

Should Homework be given at all?

Some parents believe that their kids should be given tons of homework. They believe that a school can be considered “good” only if they give lots of homework every single day! Others believe that kids shouldn’t be given any homework at all in the primary school !

According to an article in the Telegraph by Olivia Goldhill, a primary school in New York stopped all homework assignments. But this didn’t go down very well with the parents, they didn’t take it positively .

Homework, a proof of study for the school?

Are the schools trying to prove to the parents how much they make the children study through the homework? For example, when my child comes home with her maths homework, I can see what she has learnt in maths that week and when she does her homework I can see how much knowledge she has gained on a particular topic or whether she has understood the concept/topic at all or not.

So even if the schools are trying to provide proof or reassurance to parents who love homework, homework actually helps  parents to know how much their child has understood a particular topic.

A form of communication

Through the above example, the school and parent and communicate with each other, in what topics is the child weak in? Which one is he/she good at? Which topic requires more practice or a better understanding?

Homework done by parent or child?

With homework, there is always the chance that the parent simply cannot be bothered to sit down with the child and make them do their homework. In order to save time they might just do the homework themselves and thus the purpose of homework is completely defeated.

As per my previous post , parents helping with homework, I have outlined why homework needs to be completed by the child and not the parent.

Quantity over quality

The issue for me is quantity of homework. Spellings , maths every week and home learning coming in every 2 weeks ! My daughter gets times table test every week too so that has to be learnt as well. She gets spellings which she doesn’t know the meaning of . The school should give spellings only of words the children are likely or expected to use at their age – words of which they would understand the meaning of.

Pressure on teachers to mark the homework?

Do teachers actually get time to mark all this homework? How would the teacher know if the homework has been done by the child or parent? If the homework is beyond the capacity of the child, most parents would be tempted to do the homework themselves!

Reading

Reading should be encouraged among primary school kids but they shouldn’t be given unreasonable number of books to read in order to get an award or appreciation from the school.

Mug up spellings and times tables

Complex spellings and times tables are given every week. So in case they do not know the meaning of the word, they just have to learn it without really understanding what it means. What is the point of this kind of education? Similarly, for times tables. , barely they have been able to understand the concept of multiplication, to expect them to know their times tables is too much !

As per an article on the BBC News website dated March 2012, the government guidelines for homework have been scrapped which means that the head of the school can decide how much homework should be given.The article also included something of interest to me, which is below:

Conclusion

Homework is necessary to consolidate the child’s learning but it should not pressurise or stress the children and the parents. Quality learning over quantity. Children should be allowed to enjoy their childhood too. Schools should keep in mind what is average level of the children before setting the homework.

Giving large amounts of complicated homework to young children, undermines their confidence. Also, it serves no purpose if the parents do the homework on their children’s behalf.

What are your thoughts on primary school kids getting too much homework? Or kids getting homework way beyond their capacity or understanding? Shouldn’t we let kids be kids? Share via comment box below.

Regards