My parent friend, it’s okay to make mistakes. The important thing is to correct them in time. No person is a born parent. Parenting has to be learnt as you go along. Unfortunately, some mistakes that parents make can have a long term deep effect on their children. As a parent of 2 teenagers, I would like to share with you 12 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make And How To Correct Them and hopefully prevent you from making them!
1.Lack of involvement
It is very important for parents to keep children involved in their life and for parents to be involved in their children’s life. Parents are children’s role models. If children cannot share their life and their problems with their parents, they will have no one to turn to. Either they will feel lonely and depressed as they have no one to share their problems or they might go on wrong path as they won’t have anybody to guide them.
Parents should involve children in their life by sharing some highlights of the day – through these highlights or incidences parents can teach life lessons to their children. Children will learn the mind-set, thoughts and opinions of their parents.
2.Not spending enough time or quality time
Another biggest mistake parents make is not spending enough time or quality time with their children. By spending time with kids, kids will feel needed or involved in parent’s life. Everybody needs the feeling of being wanted. This will affect the self-esteem of the children. If you don’t give enough time to your kids they will feel like they are burden and might develop a low self-esteem.
3.Delegating kids to someone else
Many parents feel that they don’t need to look after their kids most of the times. The primary duty of care of the children is always the parents’ not childminder or grandparents or somebody else. If parents are not doing enough for their children during the day, children will grow distant and detached from the parents. Children need the nurturing from the parents the most, not from childminders and grandparents.
4.Overprotecting children
Don’t solve each and every problem of your child. Let them solve some or preferably most of the problems on their own. Teach them how to deal with their problems without Mummy or Daddy coming to their rescue all the time. For example: Your child has been fighting all the time at school with their best friend or your child’s friends are refusing to play with them. Teach them to make new friends instead of crying about it. If your child asks you questions such as “should do this or that?” Don’t just give them the answer. Question them back- What do you feel you should do?” Let them think and analyse their thoughts and opinions.
If your child has just learnt to walk, don’t run to save them every time they fall. – As hard hearted that seems, you have got to make them learn not to fall on their own.
5.Not letting kids face the consequences
If kids repeatedly refuse to listen to their parents, then let them face the consequences. For example : If your kid refuses to do their homework despite you repeatedly telling them to do so – just tell warn them of the consequences of not doing homework at school. Remind them what will happen at school if the homework is not done by the deadline. Parents cannot constantly protect children from all “negative effects” or repercussions. Otherwise kids will never grow and develop.
6.No rules or routines
Parents should always set boundaries or rules for children. Children do not know what is good or bad for them, it is the parent’s duty to teach them right or wrong. Good or bad. For example: I have seen parents who give their children a “free hand” with sweets, chocolates, sugary drinks. Children will not know that sugar isn’t good for them unless they are repeatedly taught or reminded. This can only be done by parents as parents spend the most time with their kids.
Parenting means guiding your child in the right direction. If you aren’t guiding, directing and advising them – that isn’t parenting.
7.Pressurising kids
There is difference between motivating kids to do better and pressurising them to perform academically. If you talk to your kids spend time with them , discuss things with them then you can find out what feels like pressure to them and what motivates them to do better.
8.No Praise or encouragement
Praise and encouragement is very essential for kids. Don’t we, parents need a push or encouragement or praise at times? It isn’t any different for kids. Every time your child does something well express it to them. Reward them with stickers but do not bribe them to make them do better.
9. Not giving any chores or not teaching them to be responsible
Don’t mollycoddle your kids. Make them fold their clothes, dust the furniture, do the dishes, pick up their mess. These are life skills. Just like parents have to do these chores, our kids will one day have to grow up and do the same things. If parents teach, kids will learn.
10.Spoiling kids
Parents shouldn’t spoil kids by showering them with gifts or toys. If parents are doing this so that they don’t have to spend time with the kids, then this can only lead to disaster. Also children will never learn “gratitude”. They will only learn how to “demand” materialistic things. They will never learn the importance of relationships.
11.Feeling guilty for saying no
Remember you are a parent first and a friend (of your child) later. It is ok for you to say “no” at times. When you say “no” for something don’t feel guilty about it. It is harder said than done. I do this all the time too. But say this to yourself – I have done my best as a parent.
12.Parents do not find the need to apologise
Some parents make mistakes but they do not apologise to their child. For example shouting at kids even though they haven’t done any wrong or forgetting to do something they promised they would do or going back on their word. Yet the parents expect their children to apologise to them when the children make a mistake. Why the different sets of rules? If you want your child to do something, you will have to set an example first. Be their role models!
Conclusion
All parents make mistakes. But a good parent is the one who corrects their mistakes!
Let your child see the real you. Be what you want them to be. That is all it takes to be a good parent.
A person evolves, matures, grows and develops when he/she becomes a parent. Learning is on both sides. A parent has to learn parenting and children have to learn life skills, difference between good and bad, traditions and values from the parent. If parents make mistakes they should accept it, learn from it and apologise to your child if required.
Good luck
