Have you ever argued in front of children? Are you feeling guilty about it ? Or has it become a habit now that you do not realise when you both start arguing in front of them ! You can always bring changes in your life and reduce the arguments. But before you do this, read below the effects of parents arguing in front of children.
- According to the experts, children who witness their parents arguing on a regular basis, are at a risk of depression.
- Children “copy” their parents. If they see their parents argue on a regular basis, they would do the same (not only during their childhood but also carry this habit into their adult life).
- Children might lose faith in marriage.
- Children might develop insecurity.
- Children might develop rage, sulk and shout just like the parents.
- Parents might not have a healthy, positive relationship with their child especially the father . Unfortunately, children always think that their mother is right and their father is wrong , even if that might not be the case.
Put yourself in your child’s shoes
If you and your parent are constantly arguing (doesn’t matter whose fault it is- I am no one to judge) , try thinking from your child’s perspective. The two people she/he loves the most in this world are constantly bickering, giving a lot of negativity, anger,fear and insecurity to her/him. Children do not have the perspective that adults have. They just accept things as seen, as understood, they do not think what is the reason behind these arguments.
Do you like to witness constant arguing, bickering?
If 2 people constantly argue in front of you would you like it? Even you would feel anger, rage and sadness at having to witness this very single day. If children or adults are sad every day, it ultimately leads to depression .
Do you actually like to bicker?
Every couple fights. But not constantly. There comes a point when you just don’t want to argue anymore. You can’t shout anymore.
How do you stop arguing in front of kids?
Only you can judge whether the reasons for your bickering with your partner are worth it. Is the reason important enough? More likely than not, it is nagging about everyday stuff! If the reason is not important for all the arguments, then you need to take control of your mind and tongue which can easily achieved:
- LET IT GO- this is the price you have to pay to buy some peace. You need 2 people to argue. If you stop arguing your partner will stop as well. It doesn’t matter who is right and who isn’t!
- Be the bigger person, think of the children and the impact it will have on them – be conscious of them around you . It doesn’t matter how old they are 6 months or 16 years. They will KNOW that something isn’t right between the parents.
- While you are alone with your partner, try to talk things out (without raising your voices)- try to arrive at an understanding. Also remind him/her what effect it is having on the kids to witness you both arguing.
- Try to form a habit of not arguing in front of kids by following the above, it won’t be easy to do in the beginning, but if your partner agrees and co-operates doing all the above , then the chances of this working will be ten- fold.
- In case you fall off the wagon and argue in front of kids, hug each other and say sorry. Remember when your kids fight, you would be telling them to do the same thing!
- Meditate- even if its for five minutes every day- This will bring inner peace, reduce your anger and most of all give you clarity of thought.
If you feel that reasons for your arguments are something very serious then, you would need to still talk to your partner in private (preferably when kids are not at home) and try to sort your differences out amicably and with maturity. Remember if you shout and scream you will be ruining your own peace as well.
Despite all the above, if you are not able to stop arguing then you should get help. For the sake of your children, you should do it rather than avoiding the issue or shoving it under the carpet. Longer you leave it, the worse it will get.
In my opinion, it is better to cut off a relationship and be at peace then to bear a burden of a bad relationship. Weigh the pros and cons of everything and the impact it will have on the children. Deal with it wisely and with maturity. Remember you as a parent are responsible for shaping the life of another being. Nobody, not even parents have the right to ruin their child’s life- emotionally or physically .
Parents will be able to walk away from their arguments or from each others’ life. But their children will have to bear the brunt of this for the rest of their lives!