Motherhood and Me – What does Motherhood Mean?

As soon as the pregnancy test kit comes back positive, you know your life is going to change forever. But do you even realise, at that point, how much is it going to change? How much of yourself are you going to lose in this process of becoming a Mother? Do you even remember what your life was before you became a mother? It is very important to try to recreate a new identity after Motherhood. Motherhood and me(Priya) have had to walk side by side and thereby create a new identity post childbirth.

Early days as a mother

I found the first year of motherhood extremely hard. A 24- hour responsibility of a baby, feeding, changing nappies, sleepless nights, being at home all the time- loss of working life – was just too much to take on. In the first few weeks of birth, a new mom has not only to get used to idea of looking after the baby, breast feeding, but it is equally important for her to have a balanced nutritious diet and a proper rest. Also hormonal havoc a baby causes to a woman’s body has to be dealt with as well.

Simple things like taking a shower, going for nature calls in peace are impossible most of the times! If you can complete at least one meal day without any interruptions that would be a treat!

Next few months

In the next few months as a Mother, You will slowly try to figure out your baby’s schedule, bond with her, cuddle her as much as you can. You might even forget about the outside world or what it looks like. You would have also probably forgotten the timings of all your favourite programs on the television.

At 6 months upto 1 year

At 6 months, you would probably start developing boredom but you will be distracted when you start putting your child on solid foods. A new challenge! By the time your child is one year of age, the weaning would have been established, your child would probably be drinking milk out of a cup or you and your spouse would probably have moved your child to his/her bedroom.

What you would have not realised in this past one year is that your life and your time has become so dependent on the needs of your child, that you have nothing else to do, nothing else to think. You only know yourself as the Mother of your child!

It gets worse in the second year

Things turn for the worst when you do not go back to work after your maternity break. Your child is the centre of your world. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, feeding are the only jobs or hobbies you have! Even if you do get a chance to watch your favourite television program, you will either fall asleep during the program or you will feel guilty for watching the program instead of doing laundry or making fresh meals for your child!

First day at the Nursery

I put my children in the nursery at the age of 20 months. The first few months, I had no clue what I should do during the time they were in the nursery. I would miss them but also be relieved that I could do something of my own or relax my overtired body.

My brain was dead

After my younger one started going to the nursery, I slowly started realising that my brain had ‘died’ after child birth. Every time I decided to think, what I wanted do in my spare time, my brain cells just wouldn’t budge! Therefore, I decided to go for walks to refresh myself and bring my brain back to life! Slowly but surely, I started losing weight, my stamina increased and I remembered who I was before I became a Mother .

Meditation

At the same time I also started meditating which increased the movement of my brain cells, and I realised that I would HAVE TO recreate my identity now. Since it was impossible for me to return to work on account of ‘no help’ in looking after children as well as high childcare costs, I would have to do ‘something of my own’ from home!

Before I could figure out what I wanted to do, I also started realising that I need to look after myself. This included small but vital things to keep myself sane. Silly things like getting my eyebrows done regularly or a haircut or even going out for a couple of hours on my own during the weekend, when hubby could look after kids. Mind you, this was very difficult for me. I couldn’t leave the house without my hubby literally pushing me out! I just couldn’t or wouldn’t do anything without my kids!

Recovering or recreating your identity

A stay at home mother starts recovering her identity once the kids go to school. But this is again a continuous process. A woman has to remember what she likes to eat or what her hobbies are. It is tough and many times(most of the times) a woman will always put her children before her. But this has become a part of her new identity now. She now does something of her own, maybe a hobby or a part-time job or run her own business when the kids are at school. She becomes a mother again as soon as school is finished!

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Results!

Even though a woman loses her identity after childbirth and recovers part of it every day as her children grow into adults, she is satisfied and fulfilled with the duty the universe has honoured her with!

Conclusion

When your child is very young (under the age of 5), do not worry if you have forgotten yourself. You will regain or recreate your identity as soon as the child starts going to school. You still have got the rest of your life to resolve your identity crisis. But these precious beautiful moments with your beautiful baby/toddler will never come back again!

Are you a Mother?  What are your thoughts on motherhood? Get in touch via comment box below!

Regards

12 Replies to “Motherhood and Me – What does Motherhood Mean?”

  1.  I totally agree with you that a woman’s life takes a new turn from the day one she realizes that she is pregnant. During her early days after childbirth, its always very demanding and tiring as she has to be available twenty-four hours taking care of the child and giving her child breast milk ( smile). Thanks so much for this wonderful article, it will serve as a great source of inspiration for a prospective mother who reads it.

    1. Thank you Dapoach. My intention of writing this post is to be of help to new mothers or women who are planning to be mothers- to inform them what motherhood means!

  2. This is a great and simple to follow guide on motherhood. You laid it all out clearly and showed examples that helped emphasize your various points. This guide will be very useful for people like me.

    Nothing can be compared to the love of motherhood, starting from the pregnancy stage to adulthood; I always pray to God to give me large amount of money in order to take care of my mother.

    You have several excellent points in your article. Thanks for the eye opener

    1. I agree with you on all points but one.. you don’t need a ton of money to look after your mother. Just spend time with her , just like she did when you were a child!

  3. Thanks for writing this article and sharing your experience on what you went through when you gave birth to your baby. Motherhood is one of the most difficult jobs I must say.  It marks a new chapter in every woman’s life. It makes you stronger ,you would discover things about yourself which you didn’t know until you have children. You encounter a love and passion for your children that you never experienced before. Motherhood is emotional.

  4. This is honestly the first first-hand experience I’ve read about when it comes to being a new mother, or in my case it would be being a new parent. The process of these first two years of parenthood isn’t just a process, but it’s one that comes with little to no instruction other than those who’ve been through the process. In other words, it wouldn’t be an easy job in any case, as each child is their own, unique self, especially at such a young age. 

    What really jumped out at me was identity loss, as I never knew the extent on what it could mean for new parents, especially after a year or so. I would say it’s best to always remember and make time for those hobbies you enjoyed before childbirth, even if it’s only for a short period per day. 

    1. Thanks Todd . It always a good idea for mothers to have some sort of a hobby especially when their child is very young . This will  help them refresh their minds from parenting chores and also provide them some entertainment/enjoyment.

  5. I am a father but I have watched my wife suffer from the same problems as you described here. I was so worried about her, how she’ll manage herself; but she managed to overcame the difficult situations very quickly as she has to maintain her permanent teaching job. My daughter is going to be 2 years old next month, and her major problem is meal time. I don’t how people manage that! 

    1. Fortunately, every mother somehow manages to look after her little children and also finish all other chores efficiently. This does take away a lot of her own time. Therefore efforts should be made by the mother to take time out or spend sometime doing things she(Mother) loves. 

  6. Hi Priya,

    Thank you for sharing this great informational article about What does Motherhood Mean. It is really a nice post. I really learnt great ideas from it, personally. Your post is very motivational. You have written a lot of helpful posts which will inform people about the responsibility of a parent/mother. I will share this article with my friends.

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