Every mother has to make a decision, preferably within the first five years of motherhood, do I want to go back to work or do I want to be a stay at home mom? The longer you leave this decision (I call it dilemma) , the harder it is going to become if you decide to go back to work. There are a lot of implications for choosing either, that’s why I call it a dilemma!
Whenever a mother does anything for herself, the first thing that she feels is guilt, for not thinking of her child- even if it is for just 15 minutes! It is just feels like a default way of thinking, think of the children first, think of myself later. I will do everything for kids first then I will do things for myself. I will buy kids clothes first and then if there is money left then I will buy something for myself. In case a mother does not think like this (thinking of her children first), she is faced with enormous guilt!
Pressure of juggling housework, kids and a career
Moms, let’s just face it, it is very hard to juggle all the household chores like cooking,cleaning ,laundry, looking after kids and handling a demanding full time job! When I went back to work in a full time job out of desperation ( I was going absolutely bonkers at home), I knew within a week of working, this isn’t going to work for me. The pressure was enormous!
Coming back home at 6 pm after collecting the kids, was not only very tiring – but there was no time to do their homework with them! It was either homework or cooking dinner! Keeping kids in after school club was tiring for them as well! They were struggling! Hence, my mother’s guilt came into effect and I had to quit my job within 2.5 weeks!
Have you got any help or support from the grandparents?
This is a very crucial factor- in fact I would go as far as saying that this is the most important factor! Have you got any help with your child from the grandparents, maternal or paternal? Even if you have got the slightest bit of help, you can pull off a full time job. You would need this help especially when your child is sick or during school holidays. I mean with such a tight schedule – there are chances that you might not be able to manage everything on some days – a mom is a human too!
At times, you might be so knackered from your full time job, you would appreciate somebody(grandparent) cooking dinner for you and your family ! Bear in mind the age and health of the grandparent, do not overload them with looking after your children. Remember the grandparents have already done their bit of looking after their children, do not expect them to look after your children in the same way as you do – they are much older !
If you would like to know the role of grandparents in your child’s life, please refer to my previous post here.
Every mother needs mental stimulation and social interaction
The reason for acute boredom for stay at home moms is that there is no mental stimulation – you are just doing menial jobs, nothing where your are using your mind. Another reason is that, you would have less social interaction than when you were working, before you had your baby. A little dose of either of this will work wonders on you!
If you have been staying at home for sometime now, you would feel lazy to go back to work and obey all the rules and regulations of the company you work for. You have been only listening to yourself (and your baby) for sometime now. It is very hard to get back into the work mode, if you have been sitting at home for 2 years or more!
Good state of finances
you are in a good position financially, maybe due to savings and investment or maybe your spouse is earning well, you would have no motivation to go back to work either?
Why did I become a stay at home mom?
a stay at home mum, initially as I had no help. But then I also had a mother’s guilt which said ‘your mother stayed at home and looked after you. You should be doing this as well’ After all children copy their parents- I have stated this in practically all my posts! But now after 8 years of being a stay at home mom, I can tell you with certainty that this decision(not a dilemma anymore!)has been most beneficial to me and my children.
Deal with the cons of being a stay at home mom
As I said earlier, both paths, stay at home or working, has got implications- so if you decide to be a stay at home mom, these are the secrets, I would like to share with you, to keep you sane:
- Your life hasn’t stopped just because you are a stay at home mom. You have got free time while your child is in nursery or at school. Make the most of that time.
- Accept your decision of staying at home whole heartedly- no ifs and buts !
- If you are struggling financially – look for other sources of income like running your own business from home – this will not only give you extra money but also financial independence, confidence and mental stimulation.
- Meet up with your friends every few weeks or other moms for coffee or dinner – this will give you social interaction with adults !
- Join a fitness lesson like zumba, Pilates or yoga. Not only will this help you get back in shape after becoming mother, it will also be a great opportunity to make more friends and thereby give you social interaction and a change of environment as well.
Honour and pride
Do not disregard the honour and pride of being a stay at home mom. It will be without doubt the most selfless thing you will ever do! You will develop a deep bond with your children and you will see the fruits of it very soon in your life! Your children will be what you want them to be. They will not be influenced heavily by grandparents or childminders thinking! They will be primarily influenced by you !
I know that my decision to be a stay at home mom is correct. But I would advise you only to take this decision if you feel it is right the right one for you. Make sure that once you decide, you stick to your decision .
Are you a stay at home mom ? Was your mother a stay at home mom? Are you facing a dilemma whether you should be a stay at home mom or not? Do you feel you are sacrificing your children by going back to work? Get in touch with me via comment box below.