Childhood is the foundation of our lives. The imprint of childhood builds our thoughts, beliefs, actions. Ultimately our adult life will pan out based on our childhood. It is imperative that parents do everything in their hands to ensure that their child doesn’t lack in self-confidence or have a low self-esteem. Unfortunately, some parents favour one child over the other which affects both their self-confidence and their self-esteem. Favoritism affects children of all ages.
Even if you are an elderly parent with adult children, your partiality towards one child will affect your relationship with the other children. Favoritism also affects sibling relationships. Unfavoured children would ask themselves as well as the parents – what does he/she(favoured child) do, that I don’t do? – and rightfully so!
Each child has their own identity
Whether you are a young parent or an elderly parent, whether your child is young or an adult- it should always be remembered that each child has their own identity. Each child thinks and acts differently. Their wishes and dreams are different. In case of adult children, each child’s opinion will also be different.
Parents should always remain impartial
Whenever siblings fight with each other, as children or as adults, parents should always remain impartial, it doesn’t matter what the parent’s opinion is on the topic! By impartial I mean, they shouldn’t take sides. In the event you have to take sides, be fair and just. I know it is easier said than done, but you can try! Parenting is never easy! It is , in my opinion , the biggest responsibility!
Parents should always focus on the positives of each child
From the time children are born, it is very important that parents always see the positive aspects of each child and focus upon it. Give them encouragement on it. For example if one child is excelling academically whilst the other is good at music, encourage and praise them both for their excellence in studying or music even if you believe only in academics. Also, support your children in their weaker areas. Show them that you are there for them. This will automatically increase their confidence in their weaker areas.
Each child should have their own space in your life
Let each child be their own person. Let them have their own space in your life. Each child will bring a different aspect in your life. If you show favoritism, they might feel insecure. Their insecurities will cause a lot of fighting between the siblings .
Even if the children feel that you are being favourable,when that is not the case, it is the parent’s duty to reassure the children that the parents love all their children equally.
Creating and maintaining a strong family bond
It is the parents duty from the very beginning to create a strong bond between all their children. This can be only achieved by treating all of them equally. If they are treated in the same way irrespective of their gender, age or capabilities, they will be very secure in their relationship with the parents as well as their siblings.
When parents become elderly their reliance on their adult children would increase. At this point in life, it is imperative that parent continue to treat their adult children equally. Parents attention on their adult children shouldn’t be affected by which child is serving them the most in their old age. Each child might be facing a different set of circumstances in their life. Be accommodating of all your children’s opinions- respect and acknowledge their opinions .
Elderly parents should bear in mind that once they pass on,their children have only got each other, so the parents should try much as possible to keep the children’s relations with each other strong. Favoritism creates a lot of strain on the sibling relations.
Favouring the weaker child
Parents often start favouring the child, who in their opinion is the weakest. They often focus on the weaker child’s weaknesses! In this process they stop focusing on their other children with a view that the stronger child will be able to cope on their own while the weaker child won’t be able to cope. ! All children need equal attention of their parents!
So the important thing here is that parents should always focus on the strengths of all their children. Make their strengths stronger and their weakness weaker! Every child has got a strength!
Favouring a child shows ingratitude
In my opinion, favouring one child over the others shows ingratitude. Each child is a gift or a boon from the source or God. Appreciate, respect and be grateful towards each child that has been given to you.
If you have been a favoured /unfavoured child
Parents, in case you are or were a favoured /unfavored child with your parents, remember to be true to yourself. If you have been a favoured child, always think of your siblings, respect and love them. If you have been an unfavoured child, do not let the opinion of your parents become your reality. Find out the real you through meditation. Belief in yourself. You do not have to prove anything to anybody. Just follow your heart! Do as much as you can for your parents without beating yourself ! Love yourself!
Forgive your parents – as parents are humans and humans make mistakes! Most of all, do not repeat your parents mistakes with your children.
Parents are responsible for molding the future of their children. Parental responsibility starts from the time children are born and will only finish when the parent passes on. Therefore, it is the lifetime duty of the parents, to treat each child equally and appreciate their strengths and appreciate their unique identity. Many a times it might feel difficult to do so- but a parent can never stop trying ! A parent is a hope, a strength, a foundation of a child, whether the child is a kid or an adult.
What are your feelings on the topic of favoritism? Do you favour one child over the other? Have your parents treated you and your siblings equally? Let me know via comment box below!