The Price of Motherhood – Is It Wrong for Mothers to be So Selfless?

In the past few months, I feel that I am thinking of my children all the time. I don’t think enough for myself. I am facing this dilemma, am I doing it right? Is my selfless nature towards my children making my children ungrateful? Are they taking me for granted ? Is this the price of motherhood?

Is It wrong to be a Stay at home mum?

I am a stay at home mum. Though I work from home, I am always ‘available’ for my children, at their beck and call. My husband works full time and therefore I do most of the care giving to my children. If you are stay at home mum like me, you would know that this is not a 9-5 job. There is no finish time. Every minute, every second throughout the day and night you are a mum. There is no pay, no leave. Do our children appreciate this? Probably not.Β 

Do children of stay at home mums take their mother for granted?

Yes. They do especially during the summer holidays. ‘Mummy has to play with me, take me to the beach, park etc’. Stay at mom homes do not get any time to themselves for the entire 6 weeks(feels too long!).

A mother can’t think like a father

I have been told by my husband quite a few times, ‘think about yourself now, don’t always think of the kids always’. But most of the times, I have just been unable to do that. Is it just me or are all mothers like that?

Families are getting smaller

I was brought up in a joint family which means the extended family were living in the same house as my parents. It was easier for my parents to bring me up as there were people around to ‘help out’. But my husband and I are on our own. All the parental responsibility falls on us and mostly me as hubby is at work.

My children are with me the whole day which is truly a test of patience especially in the summer holidays.

So how would you deal with this ? If you are a stay at home mum like me without any help, it is a very trying time !

My solution

  • I try to put a positive spin on things which I get frustrated with – for example, this is the best time to spend time with my children. Time will fly very fast and before I know they will be all grown up. If ever you feel angry and frustrated, say this in your mind, ‘ I must spend the time with my children now. Before I know it they will be all grown up and won’t need me anymore’.
  • If you work from home like me, at least (try to) work couple of hours during the day, maybe while kids are playing with themselves or watching television. You might not to be too productive with your work so choose work which requires less focus. I feel that by working even an hour, brings sanity back in my life while the kids are at home. Please refer to my previous post ‘How to Work From Home with Kids’.
  • If you don’t work at all, then do something of your own, preferably something mentally stimulating like a crossword puzzle.
  • Be kind to yourself, ask your spouse or friend for help if required to look after your children, once in few weeks, refresh and recharge yourself- even if it is only for an hour. It will make a huge difference!
  • Accept the situation. If you accept the situation that you and your spouse are the only caregivers of your children, you would find it easier to deal with the situation. Go with the flow. Don’t pressurise yourself with the cooking, cleaning etc.
  • Think of this situation as a learning curve for you as well. You will definitely learn to be patient if nothing else!
  • Teach your children to think of their Mummy too, teach them to be grateful that their Mum is always around to look after them.
  • Get your kids to help you with the household chores depending on their age and ability. This will show them how hard you work to look after them.
  • If possible ask the grandparents to look after the children for a couple of hours so you can re-energise yourself.
  • If your spouse is agreeable you can ask him to put the kids to bed while you go for walk few times a week. Fresh air can do wonders for your mind after an exhausting day with kids. It will help you relax and calm your mind down.

Children are the future of tomorrow

All the children of this world including ours are the future of tomorrow. If we provide them with a happy, safe,honest and secure upbringing,they will be able to spread this love in the world long after we are gone. Therefore, it is imperative we give the right upbringing to our children. As a parent we would have to give quite a few sacrifices as children are the only hope of mankind. If we teach our children to be selfless,loving and caring then they will be able to teach the same things to their own children.

Conclusion

I know the job of a stay at home is the hardest job in this world, but we have to persevere to make a better tomorrow. But it is also imperative that a mother gets a break from her routine through her spouse or other family members or friends. I believe that these sacrifices will not go vain. Such is the power of love of a mother!

After all it is said that since God couldn’t be everywhere, he made mothers!

Do you want to share any tips which may help other stay at home mums? Please share via comment box below.

Regards,

 

 

 

 

 

 

6 Replies to “The Price of Motherhood – Is It Wrong for Mothers to be So Selfless?”

  1. Thanks for writing this. I’m a stay-at-home mom that also tries to work any free moment I get. It’s tough always feeling like no one cares how much work you put in. On the outside, “staying at home with the kids” sounds like a vacation to everyone else. “Oh, it must be so nice!” “Oh, how wonderful that you can do that.” While I agree with those statements, I’m also rolling my eyes on the inside thinking, if only you knew how hard it was to be at the beck-and-call of others 24/7. The whining. The bickering. The crying over little things. I have the patience, but like you, my husband and I are also 100% on our own. No family nearby. We don’t use babysitters (our kids are so shy and tearful yet around strangers). So from the time I get up, until the time everyone else is fast asleep, I’m mom. Needed by someone for something. it’s great to be needed. But you’re right! We need a break from time to time to re-charge. Thankfully, my husband is good at taking on the bedtime routine so that I can go run errands on my own or go for a walk, or go work on my online business stuff. πŸ™‚

    Thanks for sharing your story and thoughts so openly. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one! Thanks also for the suggestions on ways to stay sane. Only 1 month left of summer!!! We can do it!

    1. Thanks Jen for your comment. I don’t use babysitters either. My kids refuse to go for any summer activities! They just want to be at home with ‘Mammy’. Every stay-at-home mom must do a few things in a day which can keep her sane during holidays! This is the toughest job in the world!

  2. Interesting post, Priya. I felt this pressure during the holidays, as you mentioned. It’s hard to find a balance between time spent with the kids and my work.
    Usually I wake up earlier and work, but sometimes I feel tired and I have to skip mornings.
    Thanks for sharing, it feels that I’m not alone in this πŸ™‚

    1. Thanks For your comment Dany. It is mentally tiring to look after young children, so if your mind is tired you can’t work. Therefore I go for a short walk to clear my mind before I start my work. My work keeps me sane! πŸ™‚

  3. Thank you so much for sharing your story! I am not a mother but I saw how much my mother did for my brother and I. Day and night she cooked, cleaned, looked after us, took us to school, made our lunches, took us to our practices and games, and so much more! She was amazing for us and it sounds like you’re amazing for your children as well!

    My mother eventually started doing more for herself and taking some time away from us to do some things she really liked doing and I think it was really good for her!

    Thank you again for sharing, I really enjoyed your article!

    1. Thank you for your kind words Ashley. Your Mother is amazing as well! It is very good that she started doing something for herself too! Once you get busy with raising children you forget what you want to do with your own life as your life is centred around your children. All mothers especially stay-at-home moms should do something of their own. It can be something like having a small home based business or a hobby or joining a club. When children grow up and don’t need their Mothers as much, the mother has got something else in her life too!

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