Working Mom And Stay At Home Mom – Which One is Better?

The discussion about Working Mom and Stay at Home Mom has been going on for a long time. Every mom has an opinion on it. I would like to give my opinion on it too! Every mom is a person, a human being. Every human being has got a set of priorities depending on their circumstances and environment. For example : A single mother has got to do two jobs together, one of earning money (to put food on the table) and also bringing up the child. Another mother might feel that earning money and paying for a child’s expenses is more important than staying at home and looking after the child. Yet another mom might feel that bringing up a child and spending time with them are more important than a career. Or, having a job or working is a security for some moms.

Working Mom – Benefits

  • Salary – if you can manage to earn more than the childcare costs, extra income is always welcome in the family. Especially so if you are a single mom! It is very beneficial financially if the grandparents are willing to look after your child. Then you would have no child care costs !
  • You would feel very satisfied with yourself if you enjoy your work.
  • Social interaction – you can have adult conversations for the hours you work – part-time or full time.
  • You are out of the house- and have got your own space.
  • Your children might learn from you, the benefits and importance of a career in a person’s life.
  • You are less likely to be depressed after child birth.
  • You have something to look forward to every morning.

Stay At Home Mom – Benefits

  • You can spend time with your children- you will not miss any growth milestone of babies and toddlers like crawling, first step, talking etc which are priceless and invaluable moments for a parent!
  • You would “always be there” for your child either for school events or when your child is sick and needs you. You would be able to make them finish all their homework on time.
  • You can decide the way you want your child to be brought up- your child will have your upbringing – not that of a childminder or a nanny or even grandparents.
  • You would have time to finish the laundry, go to the dentist and do all other household chores.
  • You have the option of having your own business which will give you an income and flexibility.
  • You have the option of serving healthy meals to your family as you have got time on your hand
  • You would have the social interaction from other moms.
  • No childcare costs.

Make Sure You Accept and Stick to your Decision

Whether you are a Working Mom or a Stay at home mom, the important thing is to accept your decision from within. You can’t decide to go to work and then feel guilty about not spending time with your child or if you are a stay at home mom don’t think that you are wasting your time while your child has gone to school. Move on .

How Do you Make the Most Of your Decision

Working Mom

  • Plan your annual holidays carefully. Make sure that on your days off you spend quality time with your children. Even during the weekends don’t get spend all the time finishing chores. Do activities which the kids would like to do with you.
  • If it is possible request your Employer to give you some flexibility – like working from home on a certain day of the week.
  • Keep in touch via phone or messages with the other school moms so you have an inkling what’s going on in the school
  • Time management is very important. If you are cooking dinners every night make sure you do some preparation work the night before(after the kids have gone to sleep).
  • Explain to your child why you need to go to work(financial reasons or career ).
  • Keep your child involved in your life by talking about your work life with them (things they need to know) like some funny incident which happened at work today.

Stay at Home Mom

    • Make sure you take a break from household chores. Order a takeaway at least one night in the week.
    • Take some time out from the children – even if it means sitting in a different room and doing what you like or go out for a coffee or to the movies with a friend if your spouse or partner can look after the kids .
    • Engage in an activity which will keep your mind occupied. It is very important for people of all ages to be mentally stimulated.
    • Consider working from home.

More Mothers are Opting to Stay at Home

The are many reasons:

  • Increasing childcare costs. This will eat up your salary. Is there any point working?
  • Lack of flexibility at work.
  • When moms go back to work after maternity break, they might not get the same position or level of work they had before they gave birth- even though the pay package is the same.
  • With the increase in popularity of online businesses- a stay at home mom can enjoy the benefits of working and earn an income as well!

Whether you are a working mom or a stay at home mom, the important thing is to be happy and satisfied with your decision. Some things have to go to give way for new things. There are only 24 hours in a day- so its not possible to do everything. Be nice to yourself too! Remember kids always imitate their parents. So take your decision based on what you want your child to learn from you.

Meditation Benefits for Children – Improve your child’s life!

I would like my avid readers to know that I meditate daily. Though my post is about Meditation Benefits for Children, Meditation helps adults in their life too! Some people might visualise meditation as an exercise only performed by monks on mountains! But that’s not true! In my opinion, just as your body needs exercises and workouts in the same way your mind needs its workouts ! Meditation also helps you reconnect with your soul. It’s a “me time”. Children too have issues like adults but maybe they don’t realise! It’s only when they do tantrums or their behaviour changes drastically, parents get an inkling that the child has got some issues or problems.

Though meditation has got innumerable benefits- some are tangible some aren’t! In my opinion,here are few things that children might benefit from meditating:

Increases Attention Span

How many times have you asked your child to do something and they say “you never told me to do it!” . The other day my daughter walked straight into the door as her eyes were glued on the Television while walking towards the kitchen to drink water! You may have instances when your child’s Teacher may have complained that your child isn’t paying attention in the class(I would bet it was the Maths class!). If all of this is true for your child, try making them meditate!

Reduces Laziness

A lot of children,especially during the school holidays are slouched on the sofa for hours watching television instead of playing. Even during Term time, they become lazy the moment they come home. Meditation gives a lot of mental and physical energy. It also makes the mind work more efficiently. It gets rid of the unnecessary “clutter”.

Temper Tantrums

There is always some reason behind Tantrums in children. Children do not know how to express themselves so they do a tantrum. Meditation relaxes and calms the child and even in the future if they have any issues they would be able to deal with it better and therefore their tantrums will be much reduced !

Reduces Stress or Anxiety

Some children are very competitive and as result if their classmate is ahead of them in reading or mathematics- it creates a lot of stress in them, “Why is she able to this and not me?” Stress in children may also come from siblings – due to sibling fights etc. Meditation will help reduce or even eliminate the stress.

Improved Grades, Better Results Overall at School!

If children have got better attention or better focus- it follows that they would get better grades and better results overall in school. This will instill new confidence in themselves. Meditation also increases your self-confidence.

 

Helps Children Control Their Emotions

Meditation helps children control their emotions- be it tantrums as a child or emotional upheaval during puberty in teenagers. It also helps them overcome any frustration or fears. It also helps eliminate petty worries from their mind.

Helps Realise Their True Potential

Meditation de stresses and unclutters the mind. This brings clarity of thought and vision for the future. If children are encouraged to meditate at a young age, they would be able to clearly think for themselves what exactly they want to become in their lives when the time comes for them to decide.

Helps Overcome a Trauma or a Major Incident

Every parent would want the best and safest upbringing for their children. But certain incidents/accidents do happen which are beyond the control of parents. For instances, Parents divorcing, death of a parent or a sibling, children surviving car accidents or children having experienced sexual or physical assaults. The Doctors or Caregivers will recommend Counseling sessions for the child which can help upto a certain extent. But the emotional upheaval of these major incidents will be too much for a child. Meditation can help to reduce the trauma by making the child accept the situation and move on. They will never forget but perhaps the negativity associated with the incident might be eliminated or reduced to a considerable extent.

Live in the Present

One of the most beneficial aspects of meditation is that it enables you to live in the present. Whatever you are doing at this very moment, you will enjoy and be in that moment. If you are not enjoying your present, that is because you are worrying or thinking about things which either do not exist or have not happened or have happened in the past.
This will apply to both children and adults.
Having said all the above, parents can’t snap their fingers and make children meditate. The younger the children the easier it is to teach them to meditate. I prefer doing a non guided meditation –

  • Sit down on the bed or on the floor with your back straight
  • Close your eyes
  • Breathe in and out slowly

With children, you have build it up slowly. I started with 1 minute for my children. The technique I used was simple. I told them “Let’s play a game. Let’s see who can sit still the longest ? Who can become a statue? Close your eyes. Breathe gently. No talking and no moving until the timer goes off.” I put on a timer of 1 minute on my Smart Phone. It went very well and both the kids sat throughout the minute. The next day I extended the meditation time to 2 minutes. From there on you would have to monitor how long your child can sit. Don’t do it for more than 5-10minutes. If you feel your child is struggling to sit,reduce the time a little. Most importantly, children always copy their parents. If they see you meditating, they will readily sit down with you to meditate when you tell them to do so.

The best practice would be for the whole family to sit together- Dad, Mum and all Children! Make sure you don’t make meditation feel like a time out session or like punishment or a chore! Remember parents also benefit from meditation!
If you would like to share your meditation experiences with your children please put them in the comment box below! I would love to hear from you!

All the Best,

Priya

Indian Parenting Styles – How Different Is It?

Being born and brought up in a bustling suburb of Mumbai, my child hood was a happy and peaceful one. The neighbourhood was very pleasant with lots of families and had about 90 percent Gujaratis(people from the state of Gujarat speak Gujarati language and are known as Gujaratis) . In this environment, a child would not be influenced by their parents only, there would be grandparents, uncles and aunties from maternal and paternal side, cousins, neighbours, school mates etc. Everybody knew everybody .

Daycare/ Nurseries?

Day care/ Nurseries are always frowned upon if a child is sent there at a very young age.  The minimum age would be about 2 years at least before the child starts at a nursery.  Indians believe that it is the responsibility of the whole family (extended family ) to look after a child. Therefore, a child is always looked after all the members of the family. In the worst cast scenario, if nobody is available to look after the child there are always lot of friendly neighbours who would look after your child as their own. Of course, when the neighbour’s child would need to be looked after, you would have to help them as well. It is a two-way street in this regard. Is there any need for a daycare then?

Pampering The Child

The biggest con of this environment would be that the child would not remain under the control of their parents. Different people would teach different and even contradictory things. For example: a grandparent would offer a chocolate for a snack to a child perhaps to get the child out of their hair. But when the Mother offers a piece of fruit as snack the child would refuse to eat it and would demand for a chocolate instead!

Children Become Good Eaters

In joint Indian families, there are a lot of traditions. Even meals are traditional. A child is not given much choice- ” do you want to eat this?” or “do you like that?” Eat what you are given or go hungry! As hard and ruthless it sounds, it sometimes works as a child learns to eat more variety and will be a less fussy eater.

Cultural Influence

This would be an advantage in any culture. Children are very good at observing things. They would notice how all the members, including their parents look after each other. This would teach the child how to care and think of others, how to be considerate. Especially in the Indian culture, where it is a norm to touch feet(take blessings) of all elders. Children observe and learn. Children also understand the value and importance of human relations. It is my opinion that children should have the influence of people other than their parents and teachers.

Too Much Reliance on Others

Parents are overly reliant or shall I say they always expect someone else to look after their child when they are busy. Parents would never really be accustomed to instances where they have to take their child with them to the supermarket or to the bank or to the vegetable market.

You Will Get A  Break When You Need It!

It is necessary for both Mothers and Fathers to take time out from their parental duties regularly. This can be easily achieved in a joint family without having to pay expensive babysitting fees. I do know grandparents from other cultures also help out with looking after their grandchildren but in joint Indian families it would be more convenient as they are all living together.

It Is Necessary To Understand Your Children

Due to the fact that there is always somebody available to look after or feed or play with your child, parents might feel lazy or might be habituated not to spend some alone time with their child/children. Due to this, parents may not able to understand their children. It is also possible that even though parents do want to spend time with their children, they might not be able to do so due to demands of a joint family life.

Birds of a Feather Flock Together

In case you haven’t heard of the above phrase it means that like-minded people tend to follow each other. Similar thing tends to happen in Indian families. What is good for one child is good for the other as well. I have been guilty of that as well at times. Parents don’t tend to think for themselves whether it is the right thing or a right decision to take for their child. As long it is been done by somebody in the family – it is fine!

You Might Not Have A Say in Your Child’s Upbringing

In some traditional Indian families, parents might not have a say in their child’s upbringing. For example, in certain Indian castes it is believed that a child can only be given a name chosen by his/her aunt(Father’s sister) only. Parents would not be allowed to name their child. Any major decisions for the children are taken by the elders of the family (Grandparents and Uncles and Aunties on the Paternal side).

Education Is Very Essential

Indians believe that a child has to be academically inclined – there is no option about it . He/she can be good in other extra activities but he/she still needs to get top grades in school . Parents tend to be very competitive . They would want their child to achieve high grades even if it means to get extra tuitions for their child.

Every culture has different styles of upbringing. There are pros and cons for all of them. Each environment will bring different aspects to your child’s life. But finally the buck always stops at the parents- for both the success and failures of their children.

Have you got any incidents/experiences to share? Please put them below in the comment’s box.